I hold on to shadows--to figments, to glimpses, to quiet memories from a lost summer's day. I live in them, in the fleeting haven wherein lies my love and my solace, a vapor of the past--constant, but never tangible, never real. Yet they are mine--they unlock my chambers and walk through my walls. They are my transient foundation, and the place my heart calls home, for it cannot rest now--not here, not yet.
Yet, is it enough? Can one hold on to figments and memories and make a life out of their faint illumination? Or does the past make one too weak to go on?
Perhaps shadows are traitors, victors of immobility, haters of the possible, lonely fiends who desire our eyes and yearn for our halt, preventing any reality that might replace them.
Ah, this may be true for some, but I am too fond of glimpses to deem it true for all. No, my shadows are kind and giving. They do not only show my tears of loss but tears of joy for love to come. They are full of hope and assurance--an evidence that my dreams were possible once before and they will be possible once again. They are a witness of love once true, and my heart is not alive without their residence.
And so I continue--one foot behind, one foot in front, carrying on with these memoirs I call my friends, walking forward till the day they will be my reality once again.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Props to My Home-Skillets
Day twenty-four: A picture of something that means a lot to you.
It means a lot to me when people take the time to care. I have been blessed with an incredible support system and I couldn't have made it to where I am in my life without each and every one of you. Forgive the sentimentality, but I don't know how I got so lucky as to have so many amazing people come into my life. YOU GUYS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!
Wendy: for getting me through high school, for helping me be spontaneous and enjoy life, for all those late night Voxer conversations, and for the sincere support and interest you show it what's going on in my life.
Hilary: for always sending thoughtful text messages when we're miles away, letting me know that I'll always have a friend in Centerville, Utah :)
Aly: for the countless times you've dealt with all my imperfections and sacrificed your sleep to stay up into the night listening to all my worries and issues, always giving the kindest attention and best advice, never judging me and standing by me as the best roommate I could ever ask for.
Ian: for always being a friend; for putting up with all my complaining about college (even though there was nothing to complain about) and for reminding me how to laugh and not take life so seriously.
DJ: for being 100% reliable and fully selfless--for always looking out for me and being the best shoulder to cry on, for showing me how to see the world through different eyes, and for helping me see the value of who I am when no one else could. You are the best :)
Garrett: for supporting me and believing in me over all these 14 years, for adding perspective and spice to life, for never judging me and for helping me laugh, always bringin' back the good old days.
Courtney: for always being interested and checking in on the updates in my life, and for offering the smart and genuine advice that no one else can.
Danielle: for being 100% real and 100% there; for relating to me in all of my hard times and showing me that I never have to walk them alone.
Kyle: for the utter selflessness, patience, inspiration, and laughter you bring; for always giving so that I could have; for all the times you did the dishes so that I could finish my homework; for lighting up my hope and future, and for seeing me in the eyes of eternity and inspiring me to be the best possible version of myself.
Y'all don't even know how great you are. Good karma is comin' your way. :)
Wendy: for getting me through high school, for helping me be spontaneous and enjoy life, for all those late night Voxer conversations, and for the sincere support and interest you show it what's going on in my life.
Hilary: for always sending thoughtful text messages when we're miles away, letting me know that I'll always have a friend in Centerville, Utah :)
Aly: for the countless times you've dealt with all my imperfections and sacrificed your sleep to stay up into the night listening to all my worries and issues, always giving the kindest attention and best advice, never judging me and standing by me as the best roommate I could ever ask for.
Ian: for always being a friend; for putting up with all my complaining about college (even though there was nothing to complain about) and for reminding me how to laugh and not take life so seriously.
DJ: for being 100% reliable and fully selfless--for always looking out for me and being the best shoulder to cry on, for showing me how to see the world through different eyes, and for helping me see the value of who I am when no one else could. You are the best :)
Garrett: for supporting me and believing in me over all these 14 years, for adding perspective and spice to life, for never judging me and for helping me laugh, always bringin' back the good old days.
Courtney: for always being interested and checking in on the updates in my life, and for offering the smart and genuine advice that no one else can.
Danielle: for being 100% real and 100% there; for relating to me in all of my hard times and showing me that I never have to walk them alone.
Kyle: for the utter selflessness, patience, inspiration, and laughter you bring; for always giving so that I could have; for all the times you did the dishes so that I could finish my homework; for lighting up my hope and future, and for seeing me in the eyes of eternity and inspiring me to be the best possible version of myself.
Y'all don't even know how great you are. Good karma is comin' your way. :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Life Lessons from Tom
Day twenty-three: A picture of someone who inspires you.
My grandfather, Thomas Kasparian. He was a crazy yet incredibly brilliant Armenian who lived one of the most unique yet most inspiring lives I know. He was born and raised on the streets of Bronx, New York, by parents who had fled to America to escape the Armenian genocide. At the age of 16 he moved out on his own to Arizona, and eventually moved to California where he met my grandmother.
Tom believed that there was no other way to live life but full throttle. He had an uncanny ability to take a task and marry it with fun. He lived his life almost in glory to God, recognizing that He's made all these great things and the best way to give thanks is to enjoy them!
He had a sense of adventure in everything he did. He walked to the beat of his own drum. He had a different perspective on everything, and always thought way out of the box. He was always honest; he was the epitome of the phrase "say what you want to say when you want to say it."
He loved the gospel and he loved the priesthood. He used it often and with so much faith that it forever affected all those who saw him. There are so many amazing stories of him using his priesthood, like when he miraculously blessed a deaf and blind girl with her sight along with the return of 60% of her hearing, and commanded a girl, surely dead from being hit by a motorcycle on their street, to arise and live. His testimony was vivid and apparent and he shared it with such color and power that people just sat on the edges of their seats while he spoke and loved it.
He was always doing something for someone else, whether it was giving money or letting people stay at their home, as he did with 44 people over the years. He was always faithful to my grandmother. He never spoke any disparaging thought about anyone--that was simply unacceptable. And people loved him for that--no one could ever tell him to walk a mile in their shoes, because they knew he already had!
He was brilliant. He double majored in Math and German, and spent his days as a genius computer programmer, working on military planes and later the space program. He also helped develop the first online travel reservation system. He had an intense and original love for history. He passed on great pride for his Armenian heritage. He also loved literature and had an unparalleled knowledge of the English language and a broad range of intellectual vocabulary. He was creative and a home repair guru--if there was something you told him needed fixing, it'd always be done the next day. He could restore some sort of functionality to almost anything.
He was also a little bit crazy, like buying fuchsia polyester pants, taking his sons (age 16, 13, and 11) on a cross-country motorcycle trip of over 7,000 miles, and quitting his job while buying a mint-condition convertible Camaro on the very same day.
He believed in his kids and supported them in everything. He was the kind of dad that when his kids had long hair he said it looked great, or if they wanted to dance then he'd always pay the costume fee, of if his son Rhett loved Bon Jovi then he thought there must be something to it, so he started listening to Bon Jovi too.
He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect in the important things. He got baptized when he was 26 and never faltered in 56 years. He died having lived a full life with no regrets. What a man!
I hope I have some of him running on through me!
Love you, Gramps.
Tom believed that there was no other way to live life but full throttle. He had an uncanny ability to take a task and marry it with fun. He lived his life almost in glory to God, recognizing that He's made all these great things and the best way to give thanks is to enjoy them!
He had a sense of adventure in everything he did. He walked to the beat of his own drum. He had a different perspective on everything, and always thought way out of the box. He was always honest; he was the epitome of the phrase "say what you want to say when you want to say it."
He loved the gospel and he loved the priesthood. He used it often and with so much faith that it forever affected all those who saw him. There are so many amazing stories of him using his priesthood, like when he miraculously blessed a deaf and blind girl with her sight along with the return of 60% of her hearing, and commanded a girl, surely dead from being hit by a motorcycle on their street, to arise and live. His testimony was vivid and apparent and he shared it with such color and power that people just sat on the edges of their seats while he spoke and loved it.
He was always doing something for someone else, whether it was giving money or letting people stay at their home, as he did with 44 people over the years. He was always faithful to my grandmother. He never spoke any disparaging thought about anyone--that was simply unacceptable. And people loved him for that--no one could ever tell him to walk a mile in their shoes, because they knew he already had!
He was brilliant. He double majored in Math and German, and spent his days as a genius computer programmer, working on military planes and later the space program. He also helped develop the first online travel reservation system. He had an intense and original love for history. He passed on great pride for his Armenian heritage. He also loved literature and had an unparalleled knowledge of the English language and a broad range of intellectual vocabulary. He was creative and a home repair guru--if there was something you told him needed fixing, it'd always be done the next day. He could restore some sort of functionality to almost anything.
He was also a little bit crazy, like buying fuchsia polyester pants, taking his sons (age 16, 13, and 11) on a cross-country motorcycle trip of over 7,000 miles, and quitting his job while buying a mint-condition convertible Camaro on the very same day.
He believed in his kids and supported them in everything. He was the kind of dad that when his kids had long hair he said it looked great, or if they wanted to dance then he'd always pay the costume fee, of if his son Rhett loved Bon Jovi then he thought there must be something to it, so he started listening to Bon Jovi too.
He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect in the important things. He got baptized when he was 26 and never faltered in 56 years. He died having lived a full life with no regrets. What a man!
I hope I have some of him running on through me!
Love you, Gramps.
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